My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
