Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
