I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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