Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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