ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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