No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
