I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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