I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
