Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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