I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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