Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
