Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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