I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
