can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
