I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
