i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
