I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it because I queefed?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
