$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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