Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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