everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
