That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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