Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
