I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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