I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
