Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
