If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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