On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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