My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
