It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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