her vagine was all disorganized.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
