They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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