There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
