I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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