i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
