5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
