I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
