we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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