Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
