dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
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Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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