WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
