Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
