porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
