I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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