New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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