I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
