I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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