But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i think i just lost a toe
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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