Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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