how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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