Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
