I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
