I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
