FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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