please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
