A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
