Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
