Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
