Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
MIDGETS
????
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
