DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
