He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
